That Time I Cried At Work

When you're just starting out at anything, it can be scary, confusing, and really frustrating.  I'm not one who likes to not know how to do things, and when I realized that I did not know how to teach when I started student teaching, it was a pretty crushing blow.  When I say that I didn't know how to teach, I really mean it.  I sucked at it, and I can openly admit that now.  Because now, I suck at it a lot less.  Some days, I even think I'm good at it.

Let's talk about how I sucked at it first, though.  I was student teaching in an environment where my supervising teacher was not very supportive and instead, seemed to be waiting and watching for me to slip up so she could report my mistakes to my university mentor.  To this day, when I think about how I was treated, it makes me really angry.  I was a new, young teacher who needed guidance and support; not criticism and negativity.  It's said often that new teachers burn out before their first five years on the job are over.  Why would you discourage a teacher during her first semester?

Anyway, I got such a terrible midterm review when I sat down with her and my university mentor that I burst into tears.  And these were not pretty, movie star tears; these were snotty, red faced, puffy eyed tears that I just couldn't stop.  What's worse was that the day was only half over.  I still had students to teach.  I just felt so attacked that I couldn't contain my frustration and they spilled over, quite literally.

Looking back, I wish I had spoken up for myself.  I wish I had advocated for myself, but I was scared.  Situations like those taught me that I need to be strong not for other people, but for myself.  It's okay to break down, but it's up to you to build yourself back up again.  And I did, but it took a lot of time.  I'm much better at teaching now, partly because I'm much more vocal about what I need to do my job successfully, and I haven't cried on the job once since I got my first official job two years ago.  But it wasn't thanks to that negative teacher I worked with that semester.  It was all thanks to myself and my desire to get better.

What I'm saying is... it's alright to cry it out sometimes.  But one negative voice doesn't dictate your future or your success.

Only you are in charge of your future.  Only you are in charge of your success.

Have you ever broken down at work?